The house is quiet. I just did some prayer time. I am listening to Andrea Bocelli's "Time To Say Goodbye". Wow, this song has a whole new meaning for me. As I finish the tasks of my deceased Mom's estate, I have had to go into decades of our family's pain and trials. No clear answer can be found, but it is clear she was in huge distress. I knew it. Yet, going through what is left of a life can give the most intimate show of the pain, I live her feelings as I finish her estate.
Our whole family isn't fully repaired. Yet, I pray everyday and take action where I can. Can't life be like a Hallmark commercial where I give Grandma flowers and we just live in the love of today? The redemption? Sigh. I know I can't solve everyone's problems, but I will do my part.
It was hopeful to see my Mom hung in there for the blessing of my child. Her Grandchild. It seems that her grandchild gave her new rays of hope, to hold onto. For that, my Mom passed naturally and she didn't take her own life.
I do have faith. Faith that God is delivering us day to day as we obey him. Faith that I have been redeemed and can fully love. Faith that God gave me purpose for as long as I breathe.
Tragedy makes a person either become bitter and hopeless, or cling to faith and the hope in this cosmic land. I choose to have faith, God is so good. I do not need to understand all the suffering to have faith that this labor of life has meaning.
None of this could have been an accident. Not the suffering, nor the trials. I have been purified by what God knew I could stand.
I forgive my Mom, and I know she forgives me. From the moment I knew she passed, all of our troubles became water under the bridge. It's kind of like when a baby is born...so pure and perfect. In her passing, my memory of her is reduced to Love and Forgiveness, the way it should be all along.
Happy to announce I have completed 24 hours NOT SMOKING! To God be the glory, for my flesh is weak and I have had my crutches. Lately, it seems I have been able to let them go. No Diet Coke, no ciggs.
I will not let my addictions corrupt my health anymore. My Mom passed from complications of alcohol.
Ahhh, listening to Hey Jude. The second part is the best part. Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah. Love to my Mom. Getting chills right now. Thank you God for bringing me up higher.
Hey Jude (for anyone who has the incline to enjoy it today) :)
http://youtu.be/eDdI7GhZSQA
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