Sunday, April 28, 2013

Powerfully Led.

The last few weeks I have been coming into a more liberated experience. Dropping the emotional baggage and releasing the "stuff." It swings from low self worth to total acceptance and breathing new life into my soul. An inner soul spring cleaning.

The other side of that new self empowerment is swinging the balance onto rebel territory. It's that feeling of being so empowered I rely so much on myself and as a result, have been a tad rebellious towards my dear husband.

As I am finding my new balance, he reminds me to trust in him and not get into the habit of trying to do everything myself. Last night I got a discipline session to remember the balance of trusting each other. We decided he would lead the family, and again, I try to take the wheel. That I not try to control everything. *What can be controlled anyway?*

 Finding balance as we evolve. Remembering that this is a Unity thing and not a solo act.

 I have to give thanks for the other awesome domestic discipline and TTWD blogs I read. They help inspire me even in my most rebellious moments. I remember the reason we began is to be on the same page in our marriage, with no division.

Thank you bloggy friends!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Identity...Part 1.

Wow, what can I say? I have been working on a 180 degree turnaround of my thoughts and views on things. Honestly, after last year I got into a mode of expecting bad things to happen. In a way that fear laced up my spine all the time, creating a feeling of panic.

  I have come to realize that one of my life's lessons is:
Unconditional Love.

 For each person in my family or life that walked out, it gave me abandonment issues. It made me walk on eggshells to keep the current folks, and pine for the old ones that are not speaking with me. I realize now I must love who is here and give myself permission to not need everyone's approval.

  Somehow in my life, I got this habit of needing to be right with everyone possible to feel right. I have realized that "Normal" is just an viewpoint. What is Normal to someone in the West might be crazy to someone in the far East.

More later, HOH is calling us to the table.:)

I am getting happier by the day letting go of some of these rules I have created for myself regarding my relationships with people.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Who is DH? meme

Just who is DH?

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
The Office or Raising Hope. We rarely watch tv. We do like youtube stuff.
2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Only house italian or the like.
4. You go out to eat and have a drink, what does he order?
     Usually water! Sometimes a soda if he is feeling spendy.:)
5. Where did he go to high school?
      A public one.
6. What size shoe does he wear?
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
    Exotic cars.
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Pastrami on rye from a jewish deli.
9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
  Fresh bread.
10. What is his favorite cereal?
Anything paired with coffee.
11. What would he never wear?
   tight skinny jeans
12. What is his favorite sports team?
     Formula 1.
13.Who did he vote for?
14. Who is his best friend?
     A childhood friend,
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
      Loaded question!:)
16. What is his heritage?
     Italian, Irish, Greek,
17. You bake him a cake for his birthday:
     Cheesecake. Now he is craving it.:)
18. Did he play sports in high school?
     competitive computer programming.
19. What could he spend hours doing?
     Sitting in peace.
20. What is one unique talent he has?
      Excessive patience.


Sigh. I really need to get back on track.

I have not been feeling very submissive lately. In fact, I have been rolling with my feelings. I realize I feel everything, it's hard for me NOT to put my feelings into decision making.

I guess the really confusing part is being presented with things that I am pretty certain I was led to not do anymore. Things related around my little career path. Everyday two or three things are coming up to nudge me back. Am I gonna go around the same mountain again?

A fork in the road. There is no clear "yes" or "no" that I sensing. Maybe I just need to have a heart to heart with my HOH how very confusing this is.

Hmm, okay: fresh thought. If I am honest with myself, I have felt isolated from Father God and my HOH while these opportunities have come back to the surface. The opportunity so clearly seems brimming with networking opportunities and having that zing least on the outside. Yet I walked away from it for a reason, and the reason was-I felt isolated from God and my HOH while I did it.

Do I do what seems easy and brimming with encouragement? Do I be patient and remember I was being led to something else?

Everyday, I need to have peace with my faith relationship and my marriage. Everything else will work itself out.

Ahhh, the walk of faith and belief can be so confusing sometimes. Course, I must make it much harder than it has to be with my thinking.

Time for honest chats with HOH and prayer. Time to not move forward until there is peace in this situation. Tempting fruit from the same old vine!

It's not about the talent/gift/skill. It's about the content. That is what makes all the difference. I process things when I write, so this post seems all over the place-this is why!:)

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Nip It In The Bud!

After my Mom passed away, I kind of saw my marriage on a shelf. There was not a lot of passion in me, or peaceful thinking. I was struggling, and try as I may, treated my beautiful HOH more like a roommate than anything. I know, it's awful to confess this. I do credit Learning Domestic Discipline with giving us renewed passion and commitment in our marriage. It helped me get my spunk back.

Recently, a very close friend of mine in my "inner circle" confessed to me how upset she is at her husband. Long story short, they are a young couple who are both business professionals with young kids and not a ton of time to think.

She feels neglected. She asks for help and then yells for it. He blanks and forgets, always with work dancing in his mind. She feels like there is no true intimacy or communication in their marriage.

That is the danger zone.

I have been there when my own marriage was just superficial communication of the day to day, never getting to the heart of the matter. I admit, those were mostly my own walls and distractions. I tried to give her advice to get the ball rolling. Course, it's really hard to figure out to how to get inside a man's mind when you are not a guy yourself.

My HOH suggested that she needed to make an emotional plea of what she needed, to sit down without distractions. I suggested he needs visual reminders of what she needs on the action level. (Sometimes verbal requests are quickly drowned out.)

After about 20 texts messages, I did throw out a sassy" You should just spank him." Inner joke. However, my dear friends are just experiencing the demands of suburban life and needing to see the battle plan of how to make life work.

I am not perfect by any means. I can only say where setting my priorities straight and staying accountable have helped us, and it's always a work in progress. Where there is little communication in the marriage,  I can only think of one thing. What would Barney Fife say?

"Nip it in the Bud!" 

I will keep thinking of the right advice for her. Any others have suggestions?

Sunday Hugs!