After my Mom passed away, I kind of saw my marriage on a shelf. There was not a lot of passion in me, or peaceful thinking. I was struggling, and try as I may, treated my beautiful HOH more like a roommate than anything. I know, it's awful to confess this. I do credit Learning Domestic Discipline www.learningdd.com with giving us renewed passion and commitment in our marriage. It helped me get my spunk back.
Recently, a very close friend of mine in my "inner circle" confessed to me how upset she is at her husband. Long story short, they are a young couple who are both business professionals with young kids and not a ton of time to think.
She feels neglected. She asks for help and then yells for it. He blanks and forgets, always with work dancing in his mind. She feels like there is no true intimacy or communication in their marriage.
That is the danger zone.
I have been there when my own marriage was just superficial communication of the day to day, never getting to the heart of the matter. I admit, those were mostly my own walls and distractions. I tried to give her advice to get the ball rolling. Course, it's really hard to figure out to how to get inside a man's mind when you are not a guy yourself.
My HOH suggested that she needed to make an emotional plea of what she needed, to sit down without distractions. I suggested he needs visual reminders of what she needs on the action level. (Sometimes verbal requests are quickly drowned out.)
After about 20 texts messages, I did throw out a sassy" You should just spank him." Inner joke. However, my dear friends are just experiencing the demands of suburban life and needing to see the battle plan of how to make life work.
I am not perfect by any means. I can only say where setting my priorities straight and staying accountable have helped us, and it's always a work in progress. Where there is little communication in the marriage, I can only think of one thing. What would Barney Fife say?
"Nip it in the Bud!"
I will keep thinking of the right advice for her. Any others have suggestions?