Powerfully Led.

The last few weeks I have been coming into a more liberated experience. Dropping the emotional baggage and releasing the "stuff." It swings from low self worth to total acceptance and breathing new life into my soul. An inner soul spring cleaning.

The other side of that new self empowerment is swinging the balance onto rebel territory. It's that feeling of being so empowered I rely so much on myself and as a result, have been a tad rebellious towards my dear husband.

As I am finding my new balance, he reminds me to trust in him and not get into the habit of trying to do everything myself. Last night I got a discipline session to remember the balance of trusting each other. We decided he would lead the family, and again, I try to take the wheel. That I not try to control everything. *What can be controlled anyway?*

 Finding balance as we evolve. Remembering that this is a Unity thing and not a solo act.

 I have to give thanks for the other awesome domestic discipline and TTWD blogs I read. They help inspire me even in my most rebellious moments. I remember the reason we began is to be on the same page in our marriage, with no division.

Thank you bloggy friends!

Nip It In The Bud!

After my Mom passed away, I kind of saw my marriage on a shelf. There was not a lot of passion in me, or peaceful thinking. I was struggling, and try as I may, treated my beautiful HOH more like a roommate than anything. I know, it's awful to confess this. I do credit Learning Domestic Discipline www.learningdd.com with giving us renewed passion and commitment in our marriage. It helped me get my spunk back.

Recently, a very close friend of mine in my "inner circle" confessed to me how upset she is at her husband. Long story short, they are a young couple who are both business professionals with young kids and not a ton of time to think.

She feels neglected. She asks for help and then yells for it. He blanks and forgets, always with work dancing in his mind. She feels like there is no true intimacy or communication in their marriage.

That is the danger zone.

I have been there when my own marriage was just superficial communication of the day to day, never getting to the heart of the matter. I admit, those were mostly my own walls and distractions. I tried to give her advice to get the ball rolling. Course, it's really hard to figure out to how to get inside a man's mind when you are not a guy yourself.

My HOH suggested that she needed to make an emotional plea of what she needed, to sit down without distractions. I suggested he needs visual reminders of what she needs on the action level. (Sometimes verbal requests are quickly drowned out.)

After about 20 texts messages, I did throw out a sassy" You should just spank him." Inner joke. However, my dear friends are just experiencing the demands of suburban life and needing to see the battle plan of how to make life work.

I am not perfect by any means. I can only say where setting my priorities straight and staying accountable have helped us, and it's always a work in progress. Where there is little communication in the marriage,  I can only think of one thing. What would Barney Fife say?

"Nip it in the Bud!" 

I will keep thinking of the right advice for her. Any others have suggestions?

Sunday Hugs!

Encouraging Your Wife's Spirit

When I first began to explain to my HOH about domestic discipline, I wrote a mini book just for him "Encouraging the Sweetness In Your Wife." It was a mix of all I had learned, formatted into a long letter to explain the dynamics.

This week I can truly feel my husband carrying me when I feel faint in my spirit, soul, and body. I can't quite put my finger on it. I need a second wind, an encouragement, a new fire of courage. It is a new thing to be faithful when my emotions keep pressing me to be a meek little daisy in the corner.

This morning, I feel like a woman in labor. That point in transition, when she is about to give up, all her energy and spirit is spent. She holds on (maybe begging to be put out of her agony) before the final second wind of action comes upon her, birthing her child. It is a this point where she needs encouragement the most, when all hell is breaking loose for her. The husband tries to minister to her, as do her helpers to just hang on there...one more minute...hold on.

I know in my spirit that this must mean something good is about to happen, the tide is about to turn, it will get better.  One more day, Mixie. God gives us grace for one day at a time. What has crushed my spirit so?

  I realize my heart is yearning for my Grandma to acknowledge me and love me. It seems so unfair to be cast aside by her. As the Easter season approaches, I put my heart out again...and the small expectation of my heart that maybe this time she will return the love makes me feel faint. I find myself wondering if her church services are ministering to her heart, is God softening her heart, do I need to do this all myself? I guess I am giving her the upper hand.

  I need to remind myself that God loves me, my husband loves me, and I have enough people to bless and have fellowship each day. Even if she never looks at me again, God loves me. I can't look for love in her, the meaning and validation of myself. I guess this was the lesson of my Mom. I guess I need to remember, that maybe her heart is too broken and hardened to reach out one more time. There is a feeling in me that says" Do not punish me for the sins of my Mother! Do not make me her scapegoat."

  Ha. I have to laugh as I am getting misty eyed. I am listening to a preacher talk about" If your family had not walked out, God could not walk in." Ahh, I needed that.

"Suffering...sacrifice and struggle...."

   My husband is standing firm in understanding this moment of pain for me. It's an inner pain of the heart that cannot be easily soothed by a coffee or trip to Target. (Believe me, I have tried to cheer myself up with the usual mood boosters.) How many husbands understand how hard it is to understand your wife when there is something on her mind, holding her back?

Here is what my husband is doing for me:
Reminding me of the truth that I am loved and adored.
Not letting me backslide on all the work I have done( like running to go smoke a cigarette)
Keeping me accountable  (not letting me run around with a bad attitude and wasting the day in self pity. He still expects me to keep rising up.)
Reminding me to have fun and create, to plant wonderful things even when my emotions are attempting to stop me.
Reminding me to bless others and minister to my friends and community. Major Duh! If I want to be encouraged, I need to encourage!


My husband also fasted from food the other day...to pray for me. I was astonished and it felt so wonderful that he was willing to reach out his hand  to help me in this way. He is fasting today as well to prepare for Easter. There is something about his sacrifice that encourages me to get back on it, to keep moving forward.

Thriving married life must be two partners encouraging each other in love each day, in unity. When we are in unity, with a shared vision, this is where the mountains can move. Sometimes a spouse can get stuck inside their mind and need encouragement to stay the course. I am so thankful my husband keeps pressing me forward. He never focuses on how much I still need to improve, he helps me look at the progress I am making. At the end of the day, he reminds me that I am loved, no matter if I do anything more in my life or not. 

Until recently, I looked for my purpose in the external things. I needed validation from others to feel permission to live. I guess my Grandma is one of those folks I still yearn for validation from, but I need to remember- I am loved. It's not time to lean on the past, it's not time to lean on those who refuse to come, it's time to lean on who is here with me. Thank you, Husband, for giving me strength when I feel faint. Thank you for not giving up on me when I am not the funnest wife to be around.

Whew, this has made me feel better.  Now to work on getting out of my own mind and focusing on things not so close to my brain. Sometimes we need our viewpoint shifted, and I think I need a paradigm shift in this case.

At least Madea will always be my honorary Grandma.:)

Surrendering to Love is Deep Business.

Last week I realized how hard it is for me to surrender. First in my personal relationship with Father God, second to my husband. I realized the vast traumas of the past somehow cloud my longing to submit and just be, just surrender to the joy of the moment. It's easy for me to clean up the house, to say sweet things, to do kind works: but to let go of this phantom control inside me is a strange thing. What is that phantom control? I would call it Fear. Fear: the pesky under current that can keep me from evolving and enjoying my current life. I guess we are all bombarded by fear, even in suburbia. (Too be fair, I am also in the city. *chuckle*)

Fear does not care if you are rich or poor, beautiful, or any gift you may have. What can you do when you are frozen in submission to fearful thoughts?

I have been trying this new thing to me called Faith. I tried Faith before but I never knew how important is was to let of go of fear while learning to operate in faith. It does not mean a smooth ride, it is not blind luck at the gambling table, but it is strength that it is all going to work out someway, somehow.

I realized as Father God loves us, and my husband loves me, how can I receive his love fully when I nurse myself with fear? Fear has this strange way of making one feel like "everything will be okay if you cling to this and soothe yourself, if you try to control your life in this manner." Many say Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is fear based and a need for control. How many closet OCD folks do we have here who can testify.:)

  I am not the stereotype of the obsessively cleaning OCD (bet Hubby would love that!) I deal with what I call, spiritual ocd. That is where little glitch thoughts can disrupt my mind and joy, I believe they would term it as racing thoughts. I finally confessed it to my BFF awhile back and she admitted she has these too! Hers are different racing thoughts. We noticed if we were under stress, or had emotions that would not release-it would "flair up." It was great to know I was not alone in this, that many people have their minds attacked by fear and having trouble focusing on peace from time to time.

   I guess the short story would be: my childhood was filled with fear and darkness. Something bad always happened, always at random times. I trained myself to be alert and always expect it to happen. There was no safety net. Now, I live a new life with the old training in my emotional scale, to learn to release and have joy has taken time.

    Recently during intimate time with my HOH I realized I have trouble relaxing and just enjoying, not micromanaging or worrying about the outcome on my part. There is a wall there. The next day, I tried during my prayer time to just surrender to God and wait to see what comes up. Do you know the trouble I had surrendering?

  I did an experiment leaning against a tree. I was practicing relaxing against the tree and just surrendering to the moment. If I had to guess, 40 percent of me was giving and 60 percent of me was still tense and had an agenda.

 During our last maintenance session, my HOH encouraged me to release and let go of pent up emotions. He was so encouraging. This has given me something to meditate on. I trust Father God, I trust my Hubby...do I not trust myself? Is that the barrier?

  Or am I trying to micromanage my curiosity for surrendering to love, too? Ha!

   I did notice the blog posted last month of a woman's journey of bootcamp was taken down. I understand why, but I wish she would have posted how her heart feels now, how she has been changed(or not) and more notes on this. I think many of us domestic discipline folks (and even just people in general) are trying to figure out the hidden walls in ourselves.

  A journey to live in the present. I will keep posting about these on going meditations. It gives food for thought on how past experiences do matter in the current environment, even when we are not focused on them. Maybe not every experience adds to something, maybe it is just the most emotional filled that shape our ability to love now.

 I give love quite freely, but I have trouble relaxing and taking in love. Hmm. Now I have thought myself into a corner. Where is a wise monk when I need him?:)