New Home, Fresh Outlook.

Ahh, we are in a fresh home. The apartment was like a shaggy coat that showed the timeline of the last few years. I was super thankful for the apartment, but I felt so condensed. Since my Mom's passing that kind of left a mark on the thing, leaving pieces of her life scattered in my identity. I finally came to the conclusion to part with most things, but keep what is most dear to me. What did not fill me with bittersweet sadness of her trials in life. That's is not now, not her present. I don't understand what transition from life as we know it is truly, but I have faith the energy continues on.

  Since moving, my mind has been churning to continue the dynamic of our relationship roles. My HOH is not the most naturally of dominating of a guy, but there is security in his leadership and my submission. A feeling that I don't have to figure everything out. On a basic level, he is the more calm person in the relationship, so I trust his diplomatic leadership. It is all very balanced and mild, basically the quest to be on the same page. I admit our communication has really changed, less walls between us.

I'm melting into this new home,  eager to put my best foot forward to lighten up and enjoy the simple pleasures of day to day life. To be thankful to snuggle, to eat meals together, to *enjoy* cleaning-to give myself patience to enjoy the present.

  It's all about releasing for me, releasing and allowing.

Gotta go, I have been called to the dinner table! Oye!:)

Identity...Part 1.

Wow, what can I say? I have been working on a 180 degree turnaround of my thoughts and views on things. Honestly, after last year I got into a mode of expecting bad things to happen. In a way that fear laced up my spine all the time, creating a feeling of panic.

  I have come to realize that one of my life's lessons is:
Unconditional Love.

 For each person in my family or life that walked out, it gave me abandonment issues. It made me walk on eggshells to keep the current folks, and pine for the old ones that are not speaking with me. I realize now I must love who is here and give myself permission to not need everyone's approval.

  Somehow in my life, I got this habit of needing to be right with everyone possible to feel right. I have realized that "Normal" is just an viewpoint. What is Normal to someone in the West might be crazy to someone in the far East.

More later, HOH is calling us to the table.:)

I am getting happier by the day letting go of some of these rules I have created for myself regarding my relationships with people.