The last few weeks I have been coming into a more liberated experience. Dropping the emotional baggage and releasing the "stuff." It swings from low self worth to total acceptance and breathing new life into my soul. An inner soul spring cleaning.
The other side of that new self empowerment is swinging the balance onto rebel territory. It's that feeling of being so empowered I rely so much on myself and as a result, have been a tad rebellious towards my dear husband.
As I am finding my new balance, he reminds me to trust in him and not get into the habit of trying to do everything myself. Last night I got a discipline session to remember the balance of trusting each other. We decided he would lead the family, and again, I try to take the wheel. That I not try to control everything. *What can be controlled anyway?*
Finding balance as we evolve. Remembering that this is a Unity thing and not a solo act.
I have to give thanks for the other awesome domestic discipline and TTWD blogs I read. They help inspire me even in my most rebellious moments. I remember the reason we began is to be on the same page in our marriage, with no division.
Thank you bloggy friends!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Identity...Part 1.
Wow, what can I say? I have been working on a 180 degree turnaround of my thoughts and views on things. Honestly, after last year I got into a mode of expecting bad things to happen. In a way that fear laced up my spine all the time, creating a feeling of panic.
I have come to realize that one of my life's lessons is:
Unconditional Love.
For each person in my family or life that walked out, it gave me abandonment issues. It made me walk on eggshells to keep the current folks, and pine for the old ones that are not speaking with me. I realize now I must love who is here and give myself permission to not need everyone's approval.
Somehow in my life, I got this habit of needing to be right with everyone possible to feel right. I have realized that "Normal" is just an viewpoint. What is Normal to someone in the West might be crazy to someone in the far East.
More later, HOH is calling us to the table.:)
I am getting happier by the day letting go of some of these rules I have created for myself regarding my relationships with people.
I have come to realize that one of my life's lessons is:
Unconditional Love.
For each person in my family or life that walked out, it gave me abandonment issues. It made me walk on eggshells to keep the current folks, and pine for the old ones that are not speaking with me. I realize now I must love who is here and give myself permission to not need everyone's approval.
Somehow in my life, I got this habit of needing to be right with everyone possible to feel right. I have realized that "Normal" is just an viewpoint. What is Normal to someone in the West might be crazy to someone in the far East.
More later, HOH is calling us to the table.:)
I am getting happier by the day letting go of some of these rules I have created for myself regarding my relationships with people.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Who is DH? meme
Just who is DH?
1. He's sitting
in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
The Office or Raising Hope. We rarely watch tv. We do like youtube stuff.
2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing
does he get on his salad?
Only house italian or the like.
4. You go out to eat and have a drink, what
does he order?
Usually water! Sometimes a soda if he is feeling spendy.:)
5. Where did he go to high school?
A public one.
6. What size shoe does he wear?
10?
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it
be?
Exotic cars.
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Pastrami on rye from a jewish deli.
9. What would this person eat every day if he
could?
Fresh bread.
10. What is his favorite cereal?
Anything paired with coffee.
11. What would he never wear?
tight skinny jeans
12. What is his favorite sports team?
Formula 1.
13.Who did he vote for?
*blank*
14. Who is his best friend?
A childhood friend,
15. What is something you do that he wishes you
wouldn't do?
Loaded question!:)
16. What is his heritage?
Italian, Irish, Greek,
17. You bake him a cake for his birthday:
Cheesecake. Now he is craving it.:)
18. Did he play sports in high school?
competitive computer programming.
19. What could he spend hours doing?
Sitting in peace.
20. What is one unique talent he has?
Excessive patience.
Confuzzled.
Sigh. I really need to get back on track.
I have not been feeling very submissive lately. In fact, I have been rolling with my feelings. I realize I feel everything, it's hard for me NOT to put my feelings into decision making.
I guess the really confusing part is being presented with things that I am pretty certain I was led to not do anymore. Things related around my little career path. Everyday two or three things are coming up to nudge me back. Am I gonna go around the same mountain again?
A fork in the road. There is no clear "yes" or "no" that I sensing. Maybe I just need to have a heart to heart with my HOH how very confusing this is.
Hmm, okay: fresh thought. If I am honest with myself, I have felt isolated from Father God and my HOH while these opportunities have come back to the surface. The opportunity so clearly seems brimming with networking opportunities and having that zing purpose...at least on the outside. Yet I walked away from it for a reason, and the reason was-I felt isolated from God and my HOH while I did it.
Do I do what seems easy and brimming with encouragement? Do I be patient and remember I was being led to something else?
Everyday, I need to have peace with my faith relationship and my marriage. Everything else will work itself out.
Ahhh, the walk of faith and belief can be so confusing sometimes. Course, I must make it much harder than it has to be with my thinking.
Time for honest chats with HOH and prayer. Time to not move forward until there is peace in this situation. Tempting fruit from the same old vine!
It's not about the talent/gift/skill. It's about the content. That is what makes all the difference. I process things when I write, so this post seems all over the place-this is why!:)
I have not been feeling very submissive lately. In fact, I have been rolling with my feelings. I realize I feel everything, it's hard for me NOT to put my feelings into decision making.
I guess the really confusing part is being presented with things that I am pretty certain I was led to not do anymore. Things related around my little career path. Everyday two or three things are coming up to nudge me back. Am I gonna go around the same mountain again?
A fork in the road. There is no clear "yes" or "no" that I sensing. Maybe I just need to have a heart to heart with my HOH how very confusing this is.
Hmm, okay: fresh thought. If I am honest with myself, I have felt isolated from Father God and my HOH while these opportunities have come back to the surface. The opportunity so clearly seems brimming with networking opportunities and having that zing purpose...at least on the outside. Yet I walked away from it for a reason, and the reason was-I felt isolated from God and my HOH while I did it.
Do I do what seems easy and brimming with encouragement? Do I be patient and remember I was being led to something else?
Everyday, I need to have peace with my faith relationship and my marriage. Everything else will work itself out.
Ahhh, the walk of faith and belief can be so confusing sometimes. Course, I must make it much harder than it has to be with my thinking.
Time for honest chats with HOH and prayer. Time to not move forward until there is peace in this situation. Tempting fruit from the same old vine!
It's not about the talent/gift/skill. It's about the content. That is what makes all the difference. I process things when I write, so this post seems all over the place-this is why!:)
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Nip It In The Bud!
After my Mom passed away, I kind of saw my marriage on a shelf. There was not a lot of passion in me, or peaceful thinking. I was struggling, and try as I may, treated my beautiful HOH more like a roommate than anything. I know, it's awful to confess this. I do credit Learning Domestic Discipline www.learningdd.com with giving us renewed passion and commitment in our marriage. It helped me get my spunk back.
Recently, a very close friend of mine in my "inner circle" confessed to me how upset she is at her husband. Long story short, they are a young couple who are both business professionals with young kids and not a ton of time to think.
She feels neglected. She asks for help and then yells for it. He blanks and forgets, always with work dancing in his mind. She feels like there is no true intimacy or communication in their marriage.
That is the danger zone.
I have been there when my own marriage was just superficial communication of the day to day, never getting to the heart of the matter. I admit, those were mostly my own walls and distractions. I tried to give her advice to get the ball rolling. Course, it's really hard to figure out to how to get inside a man's mind when you are not a guy yourself.
My HOH suggested that she needed to make an emotional plea of what she needed, to sit down without distractions. I suggested he needs visual reminders of what she needs on the action level. (Sometimes verbal requests are quickly drowned out.)
After about 20 texts messages, I did throw out a sassy" You should just spank him." Inner joke. However, my dear friends are just experiencing the demands of suburban life and needing to see the battle plan of how to make life work.
I am not perfect by any means. I can only say where setting my priorities straight and staying accountable have helped us, and it's always a work in progress. Where there is little communication in the marriage, I can only think of one thing. What would Barney Fife say?
"Nip it in the Bud!"
I will keep thinking of the right advice for her. Any others have suggestions?
Sunday Hugs!
Recently, a very close friend of mine in my "inner circle" confessed to me how upset she is at her husband. Long story short, they are a young couple who are both business professionals with young kids and not a ton of time to think.
She feels neglected. She asks for help and then yells for it. He blanks and forgets, always with work dancing in his mind. She feels like there is no true intimacy or communication in their marriage.
That is the danger zone.
I have been there when my own marriage was just superficial communication of the day to day, never getting to the heart of the matter. I admit, those were mostly my own walls and distractions. I tried to give her advice to get the ball rolling. Course, it's really hard to figure out to how to get inside a man's mind when you are not a guy yourself.
My HOH suggested that she needed to make an emotional plea of what she needed, to sit down without distractions. I suggested he needs visual reminders of what she needs on the action level. (Sometimes verbal requests are quickly drowned out.)
After about 20 texts messages, I did throw out a sassy" You should just spank him." Inner joke. However, my dear friends are just experiencing the demands of suburban life and needing to see the battle plan of how to make life work.
I am not perfect by any means. I can only say where setting my priorities straight and staying accountable have helped us, and it's always a work in progress. Where there is little communication in the marriage, I can only think of one thing. What would Barney Fife say?
"Nip it in the Bud!"
I will keep thinking of the right advice for her. Any others have suggestions?
Sunday Hugs!
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Feeling Much Better
My apologies for the last couple posts being very deep. Thankfully, it seems I am getting back into my usual sassy Mixie mode.
This morning I woke up a little YARGH. Last night, we got to bed very late and there was no time to talk to my HOH or do anything. *Nothing like falling asleep on the couch with something on my mind.* So this morning I woke up a little tired and gave it the old Saturday grumpy show.
So I got some stress relief/adjustment in the closet, until my attitude and emotions relaxed. My hubby and lil girl are busy napping, so I wrote this with my cat next to me. Want to wake them up soon so we can do something fun today!
I will leave you with a light hearted funny.:)
This morning I woke up a little YARGH. Last night, we got to bed very late and there was no time to talk to my HOH or do anything. *Nothing like falling asleep on the couch with something on my mind.* So this morning I woke up a little tired and gave it the old Saturday grumpy show.
So I got some stress relief/adjustment in the closet, until my attitude and emotions relaxed. My hubby and lil girl are busy napping, so I wrote this with my cat next to me. Want to wake them up soon so we can do something fun today!
I will leave you with a light hearted funny.:)
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Encouraging Your Wife's Spirit
When I first began to explain to my HOH about domestic discipline, I wrote a mini book just for him "Encouraging the Sweetness In Your Wife." It was a mix of all I had learned, formatted into a long letter to explain the dynamics.
This week I can truly feel my husband carrying me when I feel faint in my spirit, soul, and body. I can't quite put my finger on it. I need a second wind, an encouragement, a new fire of courage. It is a new thing to be faithful when my emotions keep pressing me to be a meek little daisy in the corner.
This morning, I feel like a woman in labor. That point in transition, when she is about to give up, all her energy and spirit is spent. She holds on (maybe begging to be put out of her agony) before the final second wind of action comes upon her, birthing her child. It is a this point where she needs encouragement the most, when all hell is breaking loose for her. The husband tries to minister to her, as do her helpers to just hang on there...one more minute...hold on.
I know in my spirit that this must mean something good is about to happen, the tide is about to turn, it will get better. One more day, Mixie. God gives us grace for one day at a time. What has crushed my spirit so?
I realize my heart is yearning for my Grandma to acknowledge me and love me. It seems so unfair to be cast aside by her. As the Easter season approaches, I put my heart out again...and the small expectation of my heart that maybe this time she will return the love makes me feel faint. I find myself wondering if her church services are ministering to her heart, is God softening her heart, do I need to do this all myself? I guess I am giving her the upper hand.
I need to remind myself that God loves me, my husband loves me, and I have enough people to bless and have fellowship each day. Even if she never looks at me again, God loves me. I can't look for love in her, the meaning and validation of myself. I guess this was the lesson of my Mom. I guess I need to remember, that maybe her heart is too broken and hardened to reach out one more time. There is a feeling in me that says" Do not punish me for the sins of my Mother! Do not make me her scapegoat."
Ha. I have to laugh as I am getting misty eyed. I am listening to a preacher talk about" If your family had not walked out, God could not walk in." Ahh, I needed that.
"Suffering...sacrifice and struggle...."
My husband is standing firm in understanding this moment of pain for me. It's an inner pain of the heart that cannot be easily soothed by a coffee or trip to Target. (Believe me, I have tried to cheer myself up with the usual mood boosters.) How many husbands understand how hard it is to understand your wife when there is something on her mind, holding her back?
Here is what my husband is doing for me:
Reminding me of the truth that I am loved and adored.
Not letting me backslide on all the work I have done( like running to go smoke a cigarette)
Keeping me accountable (not letting me run around with a bad attitude and wasting the day in self pity. He still expects me to keep rising up.)
Reminding me to have fun and create, to plant wonderful things even when my emotions are attempting to stop me.
Reminding me to bless others and minister to my friends and community. Major Duh! If I want to be encouraged, I need to encourage!
My husband also fasted from food the other day...to pray for me. I was astonished and it felt so wonderful that he was willing to reach out his hand to help me in this way. He is fasting today as well to prepare for Easter. There is something about his sacrifice that encourages me to get back on it, to keep moving forward.
Thriving married life must be two partners encouraging each other in love each day, in unity. When we are in unity, with a shared vision, this is where the mountains can move. Sometimes a spouse can get stuck inside their mind and need encouragement to stay the course. I am so thankful my husband keeps pressing me forward. He never focuses on how much I still need to improve, he helps me look at the progress I am making. At the end of the day, he reminds me that I am loved, no matter if I do anything more in my life or not.
Until recently, I looked for my purpose in the external things. I needed validation from others to feel permission to live. I guess my Grandma is one of those folks I still yearn for validation from, but I need to remember- I am loved. It's not time to lean on the past, it's not time to lean on those who refuse to come, it's time to lean on who is here with me. Thank you, Husband, for giving me strength when I feel faint. Thank you for not giving up on me when I am not the funnest wife to be around.
Whew, this has made me feel better. Now to work on getting out of my own mind and focusing on things not so close to my brain. Sometimes we need our viewpoint shifted, and I think I need a paradigm shift in this case.
At least Madea will always be my honorary Grandma.:)
This week I can truly feel my husband carrying me when I feel faint in my spirit, soul, and body. I can't quite put my finger on it. I need a second wind, an encouragement, a new fire of courage. It is a new thing to be faithful when my emotions keep pressing me to be a meek little daisy in the corner.
This morning, I feel like a woman in labor. That point in transition, when she is about to give up, all her energy and spirit is spent. She holds on (maybe begging to be put out of her agony) before the final second wind of action comes upon her, birthing her child. It is a this point where she needs encouragement the most, when all hell is breaking loose for her. The husband tries to minister to her, as do her helpers to just hang on there...one more minute...hold on.
I know in my spirit that this must mean something good is about to happen, the tide is about to turn, it will get better. One more day, Mixie. God gives us grace for one day at a time. What has crushed my spirit so?
I realize my heart is yearning for my Grandma to acknowledge me and love me. It seems so unfair to be cast aside by her. As the Easter season approaches, I put my heart out again...and the small expectation of my heart that maybe this time she will return the love makes me feel faint. I find myself wondering if her church services are ministering to her heart, is God softening her heart, do I need to do this all myself? I guess I am giving her the upper hand.
I need to remind myself that God loves me, my husband loves me, and I have enough people to bless and have fellowship each day. Even if she never looks at me again, God loves me. I can't look for love in her, the meaning and validation of myself. I guess this was the lesson of my Mom. I guess I need to remember, that maybe her heart is too broken and hardened to reach out one more time. There is a feeling in me that says" Do not punish me for the sins of my Mother! Do not make me her scapegoat."
Ha. I have to laugh as I am getting misty eyed. I am listening to a preacher talk about" If your family had not walked out, God could not walk in." Ahh, I needed that.
"Suffering...sacrifice and struggle...."
My husband is standing firm in understanding this moment of pain for me. It's an inner pain of the heart that cannot be easily soothed by a coffee or trip to Target. (Believe me, I have tried to cheer myself up with the usual mood boosters.) How many husbands understand how hard it is to understand your wife when there is something on her mind, holding her back?
Here is what my husband is doing for me:
Reminding me of the truth that I am loved and adored.
Not letting me backslide on all the work I have done( like running to go smoke a cigarette)
Keeping me accountable (not letting me run around with a bad attitude and wasting the day in self pity. He still expects me to keep rising up.)
Reminding me to have fun and create, to plant wonderful things even when my emotions are attempting to stop me.
Reminding me to bless others and minister to my friends and community. Major Duh! If I want to be encouraged, I need to encourage!
My husband also fasted from food the other day...to pray for me. I was astonished and it felt so wonderful that he was willing to reach out his hand to help me in this way. He is fasting today as well to prepare for Easter. There is something about his sacrifice that encourages me to get back on it, to keep moving forward.
Thriving married life must be two partners encouraging each other in love each day, in unity. When we are in unity, with a shared vision, this is where the mountains can move. Sometimes a spouse can get stuck inside their mind and need encouragement to stay the course. I am so thankful my husband keeps pressing me forward. He never focuses on how much I still need to improve, he helps me look at the progress I am making. At the end of the day, he reminds me that I am loved, no matter if I do anything more in my life or not.
Until recently, I looked for my purpose in the external things. I needed validation from others to feel permission to live. I guess my Grandma is one of those folks I still yearn for validation from, but I need to remember- I am loved. It's not time to lean on the past, it's not time to lean on those who refuse to come, it's time to lean on who is here with me. Thank you, Husband, for giving me strength when I feel faint. Thank you for not giving up on me when I am not the funnest wife to be around.
Whew, this has made me feel better. Now to work on getting out of my own mind and focusing on things not so close to my brain. Sometimes we need our viewpoint shifted, and I think I need a paradigm shift in this case.
At least Madea will always be my honorary Grandma.:)
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