New Home, Fresh Outlook.

Ahh, we are in a fresh home. The apartment was like a shaggy coat that showed the timeline of the last few years. I was super thankful for the apartment, but I felt so condensed. Since my Mom's passing that kind of left a mark on the thing, leaving pieces of her life scattered in my identity. I finally came to the conclusion to part with most things, but keep what is most dear to me. What did not fill me with bittersweet sadness of her trials in life. That's is not now, not her present. I don't understand what transition from life as we know it is truly, but I have faith the energy continues on.

  Since moving, my mind has been churning to continue the dynamic of our relationship roles. My HOH is not the most naturally of dominating of a guy, but there is security in his leadership and my submission. A feeling that I don't have to figure everything out. On a basic level, he is the more calm person in the relationship, so I trust his diplomatic leadership. It is all very balanced and mild, basically the quest to be on the same page. I admit our communication has really changed, less walls between us.

I'm melting into this new home,  eager to put my best foot forward to lighten up and enjoy the simple pleasures of day to day life. To be thankful to snuggle, to eat meals together, to *enjoy* cleaning-to give myself patience to enjoy the present.

  It's all about releasing for me, releasing and allowing.

Gotta go, I have been called to the dinner table! Oye!:)

Grounding Myself.

Wow, what a time to live in, right? It's so exciting, so terrifying, so...busy with an abundance of life. I have found how necessary and essential it is for me to "ground myself". Of the various things I do to quiet my mind and soul, one surprising one is getting a paddling. Sometimes when I feel overly emotional, I find getting a spanking helps me clear my mind and sleep fantastic. Sometimes I do feel a little more tired the morning after.

Other things I do for grounding myself:
-deep cleaning and clutter release
-tackling one small project
-a nice bath(I love sea salt)
-leaning on a tree, hanging out in nature,
-writing my thoughts in a private journal
-doing something to LAUGH
-paying attention to nature cues
-lighting a candle/prayer
-wearing a color that feels cozy to me, or my favorite jacket.
-connecting with my husband, or calling a good friend/family member to joke around with
-passion is good
-food is good. Something healthy and wholesome will really help.
-helping someone out, reaching out to others.
-time with pets

Things that get me off balance
-spending time worrying or embracing fears (major duh)
-letting my mind become too cluttered
-letting my space become too cluttered
-procrastination
-too much caffeine
-putting myself on the "back burner" habitually
 
-first world problem: too much time devoted to news or social media.
-now getting quiet time
-taking on too many tasks.
-being in people pleasing mode



I am SURE we all can identify to much on this list. What do you do to get back to peaceful mode? I generally TRY to be in a content mood before making any big choices. I think we must work on keeping balanced especially in stressful times.:)

I forgot the most important one that helps everyday: being thankful.

Confuzzled.

Sigh. I really need to get back on track.

I have not been feeling very submissive lately. In fact, I have been rolling with my feelings. I realize I feel everything, it's hard for me NOT to put my feelings into decision making.

I guess the really confusing part is being presented with things that I am pretty certain I was led to not do anymore. Things related around my little career path. Everyday two or three things are coming up to nudge me back. Am I gonna go around the same mountain again?

A fork in the road. There is no clear "yes" or "no" that I sensing. Maybe I just need to have a heart to heart with my HOH how very confusing this is.

Hmm, okay: fresh thought. If I am honest with myself, I have felt isolated from Father God and my HOH while these opportunities have come back to the surface. The opportunity so clearly seems brimming with networking opportunities and having that zing purpose...at least on the outside. Yet I walked away from it for a reason, and the reason was-I felt isolated from God and my HOH while I did it.

Do I do what seems easy and brimming with encouragement? Do I be patient and remember I was being led to something else?

Everyday, I need to have peace with my faith relationship and my marriage. Everything else will work itself out.

Ahhh, the walk of faith and belief can be so confusing sometimes. Course, I must make it much harder than it has to be with my thinking.

Time for honest chats with HOH and prayer. Time to not move forward until there is peace in this situation. Tempting fruit from the same old vine!

It's not about the talent/gift/skill. It's about the content. That is what makes all the difference. I process things when I write, so this post seems all over the place-this is why!:)

My Overzealous Flower Garden

Whoops, there it went.

Today I found myself at Lowe's getting flowers and garden stuff. Did I tell HOH? No. Do I love to garden? Yes. A little too much.

I am one of these girls who gets super excited and idealistic, partner that with my sentiment for yesterday and it can be huge.

I remember gardening with my Mom, one of the rare good feelings of childhood. She would be peaceful. I would feel the cool earth between my bare feet, the cold water of the hose. She always had a knack to pick out beautiful flowers beyond my gifts.

This is the first spring she has passed on. The flowers called to me, edging me to take on my role and where Mom's had been. I had to get the annuals, the tomatoes, the herbs, the snap dragons....

So many things in my life died last year. With the grief of her, I think most of my old garden went with it. Now is a new, promising time. A testimony of how God has worked during the darkest times for new life and prosperity. See what I mean about me being all Hallmark like?

I should have gotten less. Now, I feel selfish. I reasoned I would invite more folks over to enjoy the garden, now I feel like I should give a few pieces to my neighbors. Seriously. There is a fella in Brazil trying to build one room shacks for the kids there, and here I am, Miss Flowers everywhere.

So, I don't want my over enthusiasm to sour the garden, but I know my HOH will hold me to the "no surprise shopping sprees" rule. I need him to.He already got very firm and HOH like on the text" I want you to have nice things, but we talked about these surprises."

Plus, I am behind on the business I needed to do today, and just gave myself a lot more to care for. Hope I like gardening this much, HOH will have my bum if the plants get neglected!

I have uploaded a photo of the red ones, as I have a feeling something on me will match it soon.

At least my cat is royally enjoying the catnip.:)

The Rain Came Down*and Happy News*

Last night was wonderful with my Hubby. We celebrated how much progress we have made in a few short months. Wow, like night and day. Total surrender to him, total love for him.

*I will spare you the details*

I did get my cry on, but it was happy, astonished tears. Just pure love and unity.

So *yay* I got to cry!!! *No spankings were involved. I just was able to let it out, and it was wonderful to cry. It was also raining outside, and we had needed rain. The heavens opened up!

I was greatly encouraged to hear that HOH is closer to considering Baby 2! Needless to say, the progress we have made together is why he is seeing it more of a possibility.

My other neighbor ladies have spouses who want to get them pregnant now, but in our home,it's the opposite. I am being patient (as I can be) because HOH is right. I have always been eager to not time pass us by. HOH understands the logistics and is more cautious. Both are good views to have.

I will be patient and wait. *I have just reminded him in the past not to forget, because it is very important to me.*

To hear that he is coming closer, that we are getting closer to that point...that is amazing news.

-An only child who wants a bigger family :)

By Wednesday, I need a Spanking.

Hello, Wednesday. I was born on a Wednesday. However, I have always felt like Wednesday was a tough day. Maybe that's why it is termed "Hump Day."

My HOH did gave me my usually Sunday spanking with good results. However, the small paddle left my bum kind of...rough? He just notices the skin on my bottom is a little rough from the spankings. Does anyone else get paddle bottom? He decided he won't spank me until my skin smooths out.

*Looks at clock, looks at skin.* Waits.

So here it is Wednesday and I feel the need to be re-set. My jaw is tensing up, my mind is slightly cluttered, I'm in that "Meh," attitude. Glass of wine or a sound spanking? I need something.

There are 3 offenses he could spank me for, no 4 offenses he could discipline me for RIGHT NOW.
1. The car is not clean. I have left drinks in there and the kiddo left crumbs. That is spankable.

2. I sneaked a DIET COKE yesterday at Subway. *Did not tell him yet, but he does read this blog.*

3. No Candy/cookies in purse. (M and M's spilled at the bottom of it. A huge bag, too.

4. I forgot to return a movie my daughter wanted to rent. Meh movie, that is why I forgot.

Add to that:
Yesterday I went over my budget (for Valentine's Day!) and vowed to return the extra impulse whoops.
I have been spending time playing on my phone when he is home.

In fairness, I have done many good things this week. This list makes me look like a gigantic troublemaker. However, I feel the need to be re-set. *I want my spanking *SOBS*

Anyone else feel the need to be re-set sometimes? For me, it's usually Wednesday, and Sunday. Yet I would say much more during the week *when life feels crazy.* Sunday helps me prepare for the week in general.:)

HOH, please help me with my stressed out midweek attitude.

For the record, I am pretty sure he will not do it on Valentine's Day.*Crosses fingers he can sense I'm a tiny bit in need of some help.

The "No Mary Kay" Rule

2 rules are very important in my marriage, (aside from the given No Lying, Cheating, etc)

The "No Mary Kay Rule"

The Do Not Commit Serious Time/Money/Energy without Spouse Consent.

These 2 rules came from my past mistakes. Before DD, I was very prone to doing something behind my HOH's back and begging forgiveness. It included 2 stints in a MLM (multi level marketing) companies. Now, I am not putting down anyone who is successful with MLM but I am clearly not called to do it. I don't like selling, I have a hard time selling to anyone, and I couldn't recruit if I was a Jehovah Witness. Okay, maybe being a tad hard on myself, but not designed for MLM.

Anyway, a business associate of mine recently got into a network marketing company he is stoked about. STOKED. Yesterday on the phone, his girl and him came with classic examples of how easy it was to join, how little risk it is, and how I owed it to my family. I said I had to talk to HOH.

Well, when I came in off the porch from my call, HOH was waiting. "Honey, I heard you talk for the last half hour about this great business opportunity, and if you were to sign up behind my back in any capacity, you would get the discipline of a lifetime." Enter lecture of how this can not be done in any capacity, and my nervous giggles. By my giggles, we both could tell I wasn't taking this seriously. He decided to give me a warning spanking that was pretty intense. It was all over but I told him I still wasn't taking this seriously( just being honest) so he did a more intense round on me. We had talked about this opportunity in the past, so this was not the first occasion.

Yes, I deserved it. This is our most serious NO-NO for a reason, because I can be impulsive and sweet talked easier than him. Plus, I don't really want to get involved, but my people pleasing has always made me more of a yes person.

Now I am going to need to exercise my self control, and remember to honor my HOH. He has NO ISSUES with giving me that reminder last night. For a fella that had to be talked into DD, that was big. "You will wish you never told me about DD
 if you end up signing up behind my back. I'm not even kidding."

I agree with my HOH. I think I'm being silly entertaining the idea. I just hope we have come far enough for me to exercise self control, and honor him.(Reminder to self: I don't want to do this!