New Home, Fresh Outlook.

Ahh, we are in a fresh home. The apartment was like a shaggy coat that showed the timeline of the last few years. I was super thankful for the apartment, but I felt so condensed. Since my Mom's passing that kind of left a mark on the thing, leaving pieces of her life scattered in my identity. I finally came to the conclusion to part with most things, but keep what is most dear to me. What did not fill me with bittersweet sadness of her trials in life. That's is not now, not her present. I don't understand what transition from life as we know it is truly, but I have faith the energy continues on.

  Since moving, my mind has been churning to continue the dynamic of our relationship roles. My HOH is not the most naturally of dominating of a guy, but there is security in his leadership and my submission. A feeling that I don't have to figure everything out. On a basic level, he is the more calm person in the relationship, so I trust his diplomatic leadership. It is all very balanced and mild, basically the quest to be on the same page. I admit our communication has really changed, less walls between us.

I'm melting into this new home,  eager to put my best foot forward to lighten up and enjoy the simple pleasures of day to day life. To be thankful to snuggle, to eat meals together, to *enjoy* cleaning-to give myself patience to enjoy the present.

  It's all about releasing for me, releasing and allowing.

Gotta go, I have been called to the dinner table! Oye!:)

Welcome Back!

Can I welcome myself back to my own blog? Hee.

   I am posting via cell phone as I usually post on my laptop, but have not turned the thing on in a long time.

  Big news has been a flutter in our home, lots of change going on. I have been trying to discard anything that makes me unhappy from my possessions. I realize, for whatever reason, I have been the dumping ground or giving ground for many folks discarded items. Not to mention enough stuff from my past on Mother, who suffered from hoarding. I realize carrying too many things leads me to feeling stressed and feeling the guilt of the stories of some items. I am thankful for what I have, but trying to lighten the load.

  My husband and I have been great. Still practicing domestic discipline. My biggest challenges are those slight moody moments and getting behind in the house. The moods usually come from (stress duh) but also bottled up feelings about the past.

In going thru old journals of mine, I have realized how....I have never allowed myself to be as happy as I could be. When Mom was alive, I carried the emotional weight. When she died, I carried the guilt for her for some time. Spiritually, I think she is no longer bound to the rules of this world, our society. She died with unfinished business to the world, but it is finished. This thought has freed me so much differently then my family, who holds this idea that she is still frozen in the last years of her life. All the usual well meaning death cliches that somehow comfort and bruise at the same time.

  After beginning domestic discipline with my husband, I have found myself much more solid in his arms. It reminds me to stay present in the now of our relationship. I think we have much more active respect for each other, as well as a tearing down of the emotional walls.

  I would be the chatty one in the relationship, but even the chatty ones can have the biggest walls inside. Think about it. Do we talk for comfort? For sheer need to control the direction of our lives?

  I ripped up the journals and threw them away. It's not stuff I imagine my kids wanting to know someday. Being that I have handled my Mom's things, I am more sensitive now to eventually over burden them with stuff. Anyone who has been on this path knows how the tiniest thing becomes a emotional debate to part with, every piece of costume jewelry and note.

  The last couple nights my dreams have worked out the feelings I have about my extended family. In each one, there is a reference to them gossiping about me. Do you ever have a dream that wakes up in a mood? I have had to apologize to my hubby for waking up in moods after those dreams. He reminds me that if I think I am overpowered for the day in the morning, I will feel that way all day.

As synchronicity has it, Lady Gaga 's Marry the Night is playing in the background. If you have never watched her entire video for it, it describes self empowerment perfectly. All about dusting off your boots and trying again...as we all do each day.:)

   I have craved a spanking after such a time of self reflection, somehow...it helps me process it all.

Monday Bluffin'

I have tried to see today as a sacred day, changing the usual Monday stereotypes of what a Monday should be. I made it my mission today to not complain about anything. My focus lately has been on being thankful.

It's been pretty nice.

Listened to the first half of Clint and Chelsea's new podcast from www.learningdd.com. Can I just say how excited I am that they are podcasting? Seriously. What a treat!

I will leave you with some Monday Funnies.

My apologies for being out of the loop in bloggy land. Will be reading and commenting!

Much Appreciation!
Mixie

Grounding Myself.

Wow, what a time to live in, right? It's so exciting, so terrifying, so...busy with an abundance of life. I have found how necessary and essential it is for me to "ground myself". Of the various things I do to quiet my mind and soul, one surprising one is getting a paddling. Sometimes when I feel overly emotional, I find getting a spanking helps me clear my mind and sleep fantastic. Sometimes I do feel a little more tired the morning after.

Other things I do for grounding myself:
-deep cleaning and clutter release
-tackling one small project
-a nice bath(I love sea salt)
-leaning on a tree, hanging out in nature,
-writing my thoughts in a private journal
-doing something to LAUGH
-paying attention to nature cues
-lighting a candle/prayer
-wearing a color that feels cozy to me, or my favorite jacket.
-connecting with my husband, or calling a good friend/family member to joke around with
-passion is good
-food is good. Something healthy and wholesome will really help.
-helping someone out, reaching out to others.
-time with pets

Things that get me off balance
-spending time worrying or embracing fears (major duh)
-letting my mind become too cluttered
-letting my space become too cluttered
-procrastination
-too much caffeine
-putting myself on the "back burner" habitually
 
-first world problem: too much time devoted to news or social media.
-now getting quiet time
-taking on too many tasks.
-being in people pleasing mode



I am SURE we all can identify to much on this list. What do you do to get back to peaceful mode? I generally TRY to be in a content mood before making any big choices. I think we must work on keeping balanced especially in stressful times.:)

I forgot the most important one that helps everyday: being thankful.

Powerfully Led.

The last few weeks I have been coming into a more liberated experience. Dropping the emotional baggage and releasing the "stuff." It swings from low self worth to total acceptance and breathing new life into my soul. An inner soul spring cleaning.

The other side of that new self empowerment is swinging the balance onto rebel territory. It's that feeling of being so empowered I rely so much on myself and as a result, have been a tad rebellious towards my dear husband.

As I am finding my new balance, he reminds me to trust in him and not get into the habit of trying to do everything myself. Last night I got a discipline session to remember the balance of trusting each other. We decided he would lead the family, and again, I try to take the wheel. That I not try to control everything. *What can be controlled anyway?*

 Finding balance as we evolve. Remembering that this is a Unity thing and not a solo act.

 I have to give thanks for the other awesome domestic discipline and TTWD blogs I read. They help inspire me even in my most rebellious moments. I remember the reason we began is to be on the same page in our marriage, with no division.

Thank you bloggy friends!

Identity...Part 1.

Wow, what can I say? I have been working on a 180 degree turnaround of my thoughts and views on things. Honestly, after last year I got into a mode of expecting bad things to happen. In a way that fear laced up my spine all the time, creating a feeling of panic.

  I have come to realize that one of my life's lessons is:
Unconditional Love.

 For each person in my family or life that walked out, it gave me abandonment issues. It made me walk on eggshells to keep the current folks, and pine for the old ones that are not speaking with me. I realize now I must love who is here and give myself permission to not need everyone's approval.

  Somehow in my life, I got this habit of needing to be right with everyone possible to feel right. I have realized that "Normal" is just an viewpoint. What is Normal to someone in the West might be crazy to someone in the far East.

More later, HOH is calling us to the table.:)

I am getting happier by the day letting go of some of these rules I have created for myself regarding my relationships with people.

Who is DH? meme

Just who is DH?

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?

The Office or Raising Hope. We rarely watch tv. We do like youtube stuff.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?

Only house italian or the like.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink, what does he order?

     Usually water! Sometimes a soda if he is feeling spendy.:)

5. Where did he go to high school?

      A public one.

    

6. What size shoe does he wear?

     10?

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?

    Exotic cars.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?

Pastrami on rye from a jewish deli.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?

  Fresh bread.

10. What is his favorite cereal?

Anything paired with coffee.

11. What would he never wear?

   tight skinny jeans

12. What is his favorite sports team?

     Formula 1.

13.Who did he vote for?

     *blank*

14. Who is his best friend?

     A childhood friend,

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?

      Loaded question!:)

16. What is his heritage?

     Italian, Irish, Greek,

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday:

     Cheesecake. Now he is craving it.:)

18. Did he play sports in high school?

     competitive computer programming.

19. What could he spend hours doing?

     Sitting in peace.

20. What is one unique talent he has?

      Excessive patience.